Let ’em marry, and stop talking about it!

What would happen if Gay Fred and Gay Jimmy were to get married?

Well, they would probably live in the same house. The house would have two trees in the front yard and possibly a backyard, where their dog Max might play (he’s straight). They’d work nine to fives away from their suburb and possibly open a retirement account, if they were conscientious. They might try and adopt a kid or maybe get a bigger dog and who knows?

They might have straight neighbors! But despite this minor setback, they might just have a bit of an easier life. As if it’s not difficult as it is, being against the societally accepted norm (especially in high school).

Is their union somehow endangering national security? Well if it were Gay Muqtada Al-Sadr and Gay Usama Bin-Laden moving into 23 Appleberry Lane together in the middle of Suburban Chicago, then maybe the United States government should care. And then the straight neighbors should also be a bit concerned. Along with the entire radical Islam community, but that’s another issue entirely.

Regardless, the nationally-pressing highly controversial picket-and-riot issue of legalising gay marriage has to be one of the stupidest things on the American agenda. Let ’em marry, for crying out loud. Give them a legal civil union that enters them into a financially responsible mutual relationship with the benefits of any monogamous, heterosexual relationship.

Does it ‘destroy the American family’? Hardly. My great family won’t miss a minute of sleep. This is not a religious or moral issue but a pragmatic one. Anyone who harbors delusions of marriage lacking a pragmatic aspect is kidding themselves, especially when they file their papers to the courthouse for a marriage license, or in the case of over half of the heterosexual, legal marriages in the United States end in the complicated legal divorce.

If it is morality at stake here, aside from being horrifically and personally offended by such grievous and preposterous allowances, then write a strongly worded letter to the head of your church organisation to ensure that they do not act on God’s behalf to make gay marriage holy in God’s eyes. Or better yet, why not petition God directly since everyone seems to have the magic blinking red telephone to God’s top floor office?

Gay marriage is not a religious issue in regards to the government. It’s that funny separation of church and state thing that we should uphold here. Should gay men and women be given the right to union? Absolutely.

Should gay men and women be given the holy vows of heaven in their union? That’s another question, entirely.

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